I have spent the last ten years of my life building something very special to me. Something I believed in; and still do. I poured everything I had into this creation; it was new and exciting, a shared journey, shared vision: we built it together. What happens when that thing you have built is in peril? How do you reconcile that? What does it mean when something you love, something you believe in, something you have worked so hard for is suddenly crumbling, changing; reshaping itself in ways you didn’t anticipate and have no power to avoid? How do you let go and when do you know it is time to loosen your grip? Let’s turn to the draw and see what we can see.
The Nine of Wands || Reversed Seven of Pentacles || Nine of Swords
These cards tell a story of pain and struggle. The Nine of Wands shows a man, head wrapped in a bandage, standing before eight wands stuck into the ground; upright and vertical. The energy of this work has bruised this man; he his wary of how much suffering and pain his belief has caused him. He is wounded. Fence-like, the wands stand sentinel behind the man and seem to taunt him; he looks over his should with an expression of annoyance and frustration. In his hands he holds the ninth wand; clinging to this last fence post; perhaps unwilling to finish the work because he knows what will happen if he does; there will be no more work. In Tarot, wands represent spirit or energy or the movement from potential to kinetic. Belief can be a powerful motivator; like the belief that this thing I build would become what I always envisioned it to be. But that belief can cause harm, too.
Next we have the reversed Seven of Pentacles. Pentacles represent the physical world we live in; the things we accumulate or the objects we hold dear. Here, the pentacles are depicted as flowers blooming on a well cared for bush or plant and the gardener stands by wistfully admiring the fruit of his labor. But this is the reversed Seven of Pentacles. This tells me that sometimes that labor will yield fruit you might not expect; that the restful of your hard work and dedication to your physical world might not turn out the way you want. Should you continue to harvest those flowers? Continue to cultivate something that might fall apart at any second? Thinking about the Nine of Wands and the Seven of Pentacles together; what if the fruit of your labor actually ends up hurting not only you but those around you?
Lastly, the Nine of Swords; a dark card featuring a once-sleeping figure now risen up in bed, face in the palm of his hands, and nine swords tracing horizon lines above him. The swords represent the world of the mind; how we can betray our own needs like sleep and wellness because our minds are so focused on the piercing and slicing thoughts that keep up awake at night. Struggle and strife; anxiety and worry. These are the nightmares that haunt this poor soul. Is this what the future holds for this thing I have built? We have built? This past year has certainly proven to be full of anxiety and stress; mental anguish and the constant toiling of the mind to process and hold what has become of this creation held so dear.
These three cards do not bode well for what is to come. There is not much light to be seen here; or perhaps, I just can’t see it yet. Wands, Pentacles and Swords; absent is the Cup which feels right; my cup feels emptied at all times. I must seek the cup going forward with this endeavor; right now it all feels like wasted energy, upside down fruit and the sharp cut of anxiety. Perhaps a journey to find the cup is needed if we are to survive what is to come.
I will not give in to the despair these cards speak of; instead I will look to the peaceful shrug of the man on the pentacles and the willful determination of the man on the wands. I will think of the swords as the lattice of a window; inviting me to see beyond my own fear and doubt and anxiety and instead see something beyond the darkness of mental battles. I choose the cup. Now we just need to find it.